Why Don't You Give Tips?

1. A Scene: A Restaurant in Florence

It was spring of 2022, and Giào Giào had only been open a short while.

An Italian guest — Marco, in his fifties, a Florentine interior designer — finished his lunch and walked to the counter to pay.

He looked at the bill, pulled out a handful of coins, counted them, and then began rummaging through his wallet for the right change.

"No need," I said, "that's perfect. Exact amount."

He looked up at me, his expression like he had just heard grammar from a language he could not comprehend.

"No tip?" he asked.

"No need," I said.

"Why?" His tone wasn't accusatory — it was puzzled, like he was trying to understand the operating rules of a world he had never seen before.

"Was the service not good?" he lowered his voice. "If there was a problem with the waiter, you can tell me."

"The service was excellent," I said. "But in China, we don't tip."

"No," he shook his head, "not in China. You are in Italy now. In Italy, tipping is..." He paused, searching for the right word. "It's polite."

"Yes," I said, "in Italy, tipping is polite. In China, not tipping is also polite."

Marco looked at me like he was staring at a paradox.

"That's impossible," he said. "How do you express gratitude without a tip?"

"Good question," I said. "Let me tell you a story about 'gratitude.'"

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2. A Gentle Misunderstanding: The Chinese Waiter Who Chases You Out the Door

"Many foreigners experience this awkwardness the first time they go to China."

"You're at a restaurant in China. When the bill comes, you want to leave a tip — maybe leaving some extra banknotes on the table, or telling the waiter, 'Keep the change.'"

"Then you stand up and walk out."

"A few seconds later, you hear someone calling from behind: 'Sir! Sir! You forgot your money!'"

"You turn around to see the waiter chasing after you, out of breath, clutching the tip you left in his hand."

"'You forgot your money,' he says, his face sincere with apology — as if he had done something wrong, not reminding you to take all your money before you left."

Marco laughs: "Does this really happen?"

"It happens countless times," I say. "Many foreigners who tip for the first time in China have this experience of being 'chased down.'"

"The waiter isn't just being polite. He is genuinely confused: why would you give extra money?"

"In his logic, you ate 100 yuan worth of food, you paid 100 yuan, the transaction is complete. The extra money must be something you accidentally forgot. He has a duty to return it to you."

"So in China, tipping is not a form of 'thanks.' It's a 'misunderstanding.'"

"The waiter doesn't think you are thanking him. He thinks you forgot your money."

"And in a Chinese person's mind, being 'chased down' for a tip is a very awkward experience — like you're doing something others don't understand, and they are using a very polite way to tell you: you're wrong."

Marco bursts out laughing: "I have a friend who, when he was in China, tried to tip after every meal. Every time he was chased out. He later thought Chinese waiters were the most honest in the world."

"They are honest," I say. "But that's not the point. The point is: they live in a different 'social contract.'"

"In your contract, the price of service = the menu price + the tip."

"In our contract, the price of service = the menu price."

"That's it."

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3. The Chinese Explanation: Why Don't We Tip?

"But," Marco says, "if you don't tip, how do waiters survive?"

"Good question," I say. "That's the key to understanding China's no-tipping culture."

"In China, a waiter's salary is not decided by the guest. It's decided by the restaurant."

"The restaurant owner pays the waiter a salary, and that salary already includes the value of 'service.' So the guest doesn't need to pay extra."

"A waiter provides good service not because he wants a bigger tip, but because it's his job — just like a chef cooks and a driver drives."

"Doing the job well is the condition for receiving the salary."

Marco thinks for a moment: "But in Europe it's the same. Waiters have a salary, and the tip is an extra thank you."

"Yes," I say. "That's the difference."

"In Europe, a tip is 'gratitude' — a reward for service that exceeds expectations."

"In China, the concept of 'service that exceeds expectations' doesn't exist. Because service is part of the job, not an extra favor."

"The waiter smiles at you not because he wants a bigger tip, but because he should smile at you."

"The waiter pours water for you not because he wants to please you, but because that's his job."

"In Chinese logic, if I do my job well and you give me extra money — that means my regular job isn't 'good enough.'"

"Have you thought about this? Tipping culture has an implicit logic: base salary = minimum service. Only extra money can buy extra care."

"In China, we don't accept this logic."

"We believe: service itself is part of the job. It shouldn't be divided into 'basic service' and 'extra service.'"

"If a restaurant's service is bad, we don't punish it with a small tip — we just don't go there anymore."

"If a restaurant's service is good, we don't reward it with a tip — we bring our friends there."

"For Chinese people, 'gratitude' is not money. It's word of mouth."

"The best tip is not the coins left on the table, but the sentence you say to your friend: 'That restaurant is good. You should go.'"

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4. The Deeper Logic: Different Social Contracts

"Marco," I say, "have you ever wondered why tipping culture is so common in Europe and America?"

He thinks about it: "Because it's a form of respect."

"Yes, respect," I say. "But in China, we have another way of expressing respect."

"Let me tell you a story of my own."

"In 2005, I was in Germany. One day I went to a restaurant, ordered my meal, and the waiter asked me: 'Sir, are you in a hurry?'"

"I said: 'No, why?'"

"She said: 'Because you ordered the chef's recommendation, and this dish takes 30 minutes to prepare. If you're in a hurry, I can recommend a faster dish.'"

"I was astonished. Because in China, a waiter wouldn't ask that."

"In China, a waiter's default logic is: the guest orders, I record it, I pass it to the kitchen, I bring the food. This process is a 'completion' — no explanation, no communication, no consideration of the guest's 'time state.'"

"But that German waiter's words made me understand for the first time: service is not 'completion,' it's 'matching.'"

"She wasn't executing a procedure. She was understanding my needs — and then adjusting the service to match those needs."

"That's why Europe needs tipping: because service is a 'customized' relationship, not a 'standardized' process."

"The tip is a thank-you for this 'customized effort.'"

"But in China's service tradition, service is 'standardized.'"

"The waiter doesn't need to understand your needs. He just needs to follow the standard procedure: take the order, serve the food, pour tea, bring the bill."

"This standardized service doesn't need a tip as a reward — because everyone is doing the same job, receiving the same salary."

"Of course, this is changing," I say. "Now in many high-end Chinese restaurants, there's also the concept of a 'service charge.'"

"But that's not traditional Chinese logic. It's the result of globalization."

"Traditional Chinese logic is:"

"Service = work."

"Work = salary."

"Salary = given by the boss."

"So the guest doesn't need to give extra money."

"If you do, it's not thanks. It's confusion."

Marco is silent for a moment.

"But you are in Italy now," he says. "Running a restaurant in Italy, no tipping..."

"I know," I say. "Giào Giào has no tipping. We also have no service charge."

"The price on the menu is the price you pay."

"But what if a guest wants to give one?"

"We say thank you. But we tell him: your gratitude, we have already received."

"You can come back again."

"That is the true Chinese 'thank you' — not money, but trust."

"It's you saying: I trust your food, I trust your service, and I'm willing to come back."

"That's more precious than any tip."

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5. Learn a Chinese Word: Why Is It Called "Li" (礼)?

"Speaking of not tipping," I say, "today we'll learn a Chinese word."

I write a character on the paper: 礼 (li).

"This character has '示' on the left and '豊' on the right."

"What is 示?"

"示 is the altar for sacrifice. What is 豊? 豊 is the ritual vessel used in sacrifice."

"So the original meaning of 'li' is: sacrificial ritual."

"In ancient China, li was a religious act — an expression of reverence to the gods."

"Later, li changed from 'toward the gods' to 'toward people.'"

"Confucius said: 'Restraining oneself and returning to li is the way of ren (benevolence).' Meaning, controlling yourself and acting according to li is the essence of humaneness."

"So in Chinese culture, li is not just 'gift,' not just 'politeness' — it's much deeper than that."

"Li is a 'ritualization of social relationships' — it tells you, on what occasion, toward what person, what you should do."

"Marco, did you know? In China, not tipping is also 'li.'"

"Because li stipulates: a transaction is a transaction. You paid the money, I gave the service. Both sides are equal. No extra favor is needed."

"If you give extra money, you are not expressing gratitude. You are breaking this 'equality' — you are turning yourself into the 'giver,' and the waiter into the 'receiver.'"

"In Chinese culture, this relationship is uncomfortable."

"Because Chinese people believe: a good relationship is 'equal,' not 'hierarchical.'"

"Tipping creates a hierarchical relationship: I have money, so I give you a reward."

"Chinese people don't like this relationship."

"So not tipping is not because Chinese people are stingy. It's because Chinese people respect 'equality.'"

"We use the act of not tipping to tell the waiter: we are equal. I paid the money, you did the service. Nobody owes anyone anything."

"That is the true meaning of 'li.'"

"Not building relationships through money, but building relationships through 'respect.'"

"Money can buy service, but it cannot buy respect."

"In China, respect is expressed through attitude, not through banknotes."

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6. One-Sentence Summary: What It Took Me 25 Years to Understand

Marco puts his wallet away and looks at me.

"Liu," he says, "I'm coming to Giào Giào for dinner tomorrow. And I'm not going to tip."

"Why?"

"Because I want to experience what you described — that 'equality.'"

"I want to know, when I sit down, order, eat, pay, and leave directly, with no extra exchange of money, whether I feel a simpler kind of respect."

I smile.

"You will feel it."

"Because not tipping is not coldness."

"Not tipping is a kind of trust: I believe you will do your job well, and I don't need to remind you with extra money."

"Not tipping is a kind of equality: I am not above you, so I don't need to 'bestow' anything upon you."

"Not tipping is a kind of purity in the relationship: I don't let money enter into our interaction. I only use attitude to express gratitude."

"When you understand this, you'll discover:"

"In a Chinese restaurant, when the waiter smiles at you, that smile is not calculated based on a tip."

"That smile is real — because he did his job well, and you accepted his service."

"No calculation, no expectation, no transaction."

"Only the simplest equality between people."

> Not tipping is not stinginess. It is the Chinese way of expressing respect through "equality."

> It took me 25 years to understand: when I sit down to eat, pay the bill, leave without tipping, I am not saving money. I am saying — I trust your professionalism, I respect your labor, and between us, we don't need money to prove anything.

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